Words hurt...

“A teacher sent the following note home with a six-year-old boy: “He is too stupid to learn.” That boy was Thomas A. Edison”.
- Thomas Edison


Teachers need to think about the power of their words.  Lochie was constantly told he wasn't trying.  It caused incredible frustrations for him. 
Imagine trying your hardest to run a race, absolutely making your body ache with pain and efforts.  Then having your coach turn around and tell you that you didn't try?
That is the same as telling a dsylexic that they aren't trying.  Lochie sees words move, flip, fade and change as he concentrates hard.  So hard that he makes his head hurt.  Then a teacher standing over you, telling you that you  haven't tried.

Imagine little Thomas Edison, six years old, trotting home from school with a note in his pocket to let his parents know that he is too stupid to learn.  What was he feeling?  How did he have the energy to get up each day and continue to learn and grow and develop into the icon that he is? 

Resilience.  It would be a wonderful world if we didn't need it but we do. 

Each word that passes your lips has the ability to spread joy or hurt.  Think carefully as your words could be poisen. 
 

Reading

“Lochie, your turn”.

Upon hearing those words, a heavy stone formed in my stomach, weighing me down further as each moment passed.  Everything is going in slow motion.  I imagined the stone becoming so heavy that it would force me down through the floor and into the earth with only my head poking up.   I braced my legs and hoped that it would happen. 

The clock on the wall was shouting down at me, “THREE MINUTES TO GO”, teasing me with each slight movement of the second hand.  I blinked and stared at it.  It seemed to have moved backwards.  How was that possible?  As I watched that hand, it seemed to be that the movements were in tune with the pounding in my head as the blood rushed through my brain, searching for the area which held the knowledge I needed.  Would it find it this time?  It doesn’t usually.  Stupid brain lets me down all the time.

My stomach now had butterflies fluttering around the stone.  I could picture them clearly flying around, pausing to land on the stone.  Surprisingly those little butterflies made the stone even heavier.  Who would have thought that?  They look so light?   I imagined again being swallowed up by the ground below me.  

Original Artwork Opal Vagelatos 2012

“Lochie!”

I glared at the clock are realised that all the imagining in the world wasn’t going to make this go away.  I swallowed hard, wiped my sweaty hands on my pants, scratched my head and looked down at the page. 

It was worse than normal.  All I could see was black lines, moving like waves lapping onto the shore, and the white rivers running through them.  The harder I looked, the more everything moved.  Waves and rivers, moving, getting bigger, smaller, moving moving.  I felt sick. 

“Can I go to the toilet”?  I asked.

“Lochie there are two minutes before the bell.   Just do your reading and then you can go”, replied the teacher getting annoyed.

I look back down at the page.  The black wavy lines were faint and still moving.  I could feel the acid raising in my stomach and sitting in my throat.  Burning.   A very unpleasant sensation.  I wiped my hands on my pants again and picked up the book.  I took a last glance at the ground.  It didn’t look like I was going to be swallowed up in time.  My mind went briefly to thoughts I have had before.  Bad thoughts, about V-line trains and never having to go to school again.

Squinting, I put the book close to my face.  “Sir, I haven’t got my glasses, I can’t see it”.

“Lochie, you don’t wear glasses”, he said exasperated.

“No wonder I can’t see it then!”, I said.  There were a few giggles from my classmates.  I put on my charming smile and looked around the class. The smart girls were rolling their eyes but most of the kids looked amused.

Ding……..ding……..ding…….ding 

Saved by the bell.  I grabbed my bag and ran.  I was out the door before the teacher could say “please stack your chairs”.  I knew he would catch up with me the next day but for now, I was out of there!  I could breathe.  My head no longer pounded.  The stone in my stomach had reduced, but was still there as a reminder that it was only a temporary reprieve and that I will still have to face up to the teacher tomorrow.  Maybe not.  Perhaps I’ll never go back to school again. 

These few paragraphs were put together with my son Lochie who is dyslexic.  It shows the absolute fear and pressure that schools put onto kids with a learning disability.  I certainly hope that teachers read this and get a bit of an insight into what goes on in the head of some of these kids. 

It is also the introduction to a book that Lochie and I are putting together to raise awareness of dyslexia. The book will tell stories of what Lochie, and other kids like him have been through.  Lochie is a survivor.

Fish Can't Climb Trees...

How true is that?  This quote came around on one of those facebook things that people post all the time. I read that and thought OH MY GOODNESS!  That perfectly describes dyslexic people.  Expecially Lochie. 

Dyslexic people can be highly intelligent, incredibly creative, ingenious, popular and very successful.  But, they all must endure years at schools, and sometimes throughout their entire lives, where they are made to feel stupid.

Lochie is very intelligent.  His memory for details, information from documentaries and recall of converstations etc is incredible.  He is an amazing social person with a fantastic personality.  Non of this comes out when he is faced with one of the most scary things on this planet to him.  A sheet of white paper with black writing.  Or as he says, black wavey moving lines with white rivers. 

I can't wait to get my book finished and make more people aware that ability to read is not a sign of how intelligent a person is.

Best Teacher EVER!

Throughout all of Lochies time at school, he had only one very special teacher who put in huge efforts to understand, help and support him.

In Grade 3, Lochie was pretty excited to have a male teacher.  Mr Daniels was a fairly young teacher.  Full of enthusiasm, energy and ready for a full on year.  He arranged meetings with all the parents at the begining of the year to have a little bit of insight into all his students.  The meeting with me was a little longer because he had read Lochies file and knew about his problems.

Mr Daniels spent a lot of time engaging with Lochie and building up his confidence by highlighting things he was good at. If the class was doing sports, he would often use Lochie to demonstrate a skill, or explain a rule.  In the classroom, he would never ask Lochie to read out loud or do the times tables competitions because he knew Lochie just couldn't do it and would feel bad.  Mr Daniels understood that Lochie was always willing to try, but didn't push him if Lochie wasn't comfortable to do so.

It is rare to find a teacher with this much insight into their students.  In my experience anyway.  Mr Daniels encouraged Lochie to try things and would stay back with him after class, to hear him try to read out aloud rather than making him do it in front of his class, only to be laughed at.

One of the main things Lochie says that frustrated him in school was that teachers always said that he wasn't trying.  How frustrating would that be?  Trying so hard that your brain hurts and then getting told that you weren't?  What does that do to a young persons self esteem?

It was grade three when Lochie was going through a lot of testing and he also got the coloured glasses.  Mr Daniels printed all Lochie's worksheets on coloured paper because Lochie often "forgot" to wear the glasses because classmates always asked him why they were blue.

There was little point with Lochie attempting to read off the board and Mr Daniels understood that.  Rather than sitting him in front of the board as a constant reminder of the things he couldn't understand, Lochie sat with his back to the board, facing Mr Daniels.  This helped Mr Daniels keep a close eye on when Lochie was getting frustrated and offer help straight away.

As I just re-read what I have already written, it comes across as if Lochie was a favourite.  I dont believe this was the case.  Every kid in that class blossomed that year and it was due to the efforts of a teacher with energy and a passion to bring out the best of everyone.

I have teachers as friends, and they say, "we have 25 students in class, there is no time to focus on one who is having problems?"
I disagree with that.  If teachers put in effort at the begining of the year to really engage and get to know students, it isn't a huge effort to keep track of each one individually.

Lochie and I would like to find Toby Daniels.  He was teaching at Beaconsfield Primary School but only for a few years.  He then went overseas to China to teach English.
If anyone can track him down please pass this blog on.  I really hope he gets to know how much difference the year with him made to Lochie.

Thank you!!

Fishing for self esteem

As you have read from past posts, Lochie's self esteem suffered badly due to his dyslexia.  One thing that I always tried to focus on was, find something he was good at and encourage that to the fullest.
Something quite often associated with dyslexia is a midline issue.  For example, Lochie is

ambidextrous.  This has made him an outstanding sports person.  Playing footy, he was always one of the higher skilled kids, despite his small stature.  His self motivation and determination is extreme to say the least. 

Another thing that we tried with him was fishing. 

Unusual for little kids, Lochie's favourite shows were never cartoons or Sesame Street.  He loved programs about the outdoors, animals or travel. Especially shows about fishing and camping.  He learned a lot from these shows, and taught us all many things we didn't know.

Years ago, we lived in the same street as a local celebrity, PaulWorsteling, has created a fishing show called IFish   Lochie was pretty inspired by this so we bought him a rod and he watched show after show and of we went.  His ability to learn was demonstrated pretty clearly.  Anyone thinking that dyslexia is an issue of intelligence is seriously mistaken.  

The more we fished, the better he got.  He knew all the tips and tricks.  

Lochie left school when he was 14.  He couldn't handle it any more.  School can be a cruel place when you are dyslexic and faced with many people (mainly teachers)  who lack understanding of the issue.  

He worked from the day he left school and saved up until he could buy a boat.   

Such a sense of achievement.  At 16, he had actually bought a great boat.  Lochie got 100% on his boat licence test.  The only test he had ever got such a high score for.   

Loc says that some of his happiest times are out on the bay in his little boat just pottering around, dropping in a line.   He knows that having the boat and being a good fisherman is something to be proud of.  Far away from the struggles he faces in everyday life. I love this photo.  To me it shows Lochie at his happiest and proudest. 

The aim of my blog and book is to raise awareness about dyslexia.  If you have a kid struggling with a learning problem, find something they are good at.  If they aren't sporty, look at fishing or something like that.  Without fishing and football, Lochie would have even less self esteem than he has now.   

Lochie's next goal is to save up to go on one of those big fishing tours and learn how to catch the BIG ONES!!   Whoo hoo.  I"m sure he will get there.  

,

 

A Mothers Pain

From the time Lochie was born, he and I had a special bond.  Lochie was attached to me for the first 12 months of his life.  He had severe colic and just couldnt be put down.   He used to twirl his hands through my hair....actually, he still does.  He never had a security blanket or dummy.  Just me. 

When I first realised he had a problem with reading, I literally did everything I could to help him.  I went from test to test and really got no help.  I will give you a bigger run down on the tests in a later blog. 

As a parent, I was told that if only I had made him spend time on the floor with mobiles hanging over him, or made him crawl, his nerves in his brain would have developed and he would not have reading problems. 

After being blamed for that, I was told that if I hadn't taken him to babyshows then he would have had less issues with self esteem and would have responded better when offered help. 

I was also told by a psychologist that if I hadn't pushed him into footy (which I didn't, he loved the sport and was/is still brilliant at it) he would have spent more time wanting to read. 

My heart breaks when I see him struggle and it always will.  At night, he used to run into my room several times to get me to remind him about things for the next day.  He used to tell me that he would lay in bed and watch the day replayed in his head feeling every emotion.  Happiness, sadness, anxiety etc.  After the day had played out, he would then think about the next day identifying any problem that may come up.  No wonder the kid never slept.  Again, something I was blamed by the teachers for. 

To every parent going through what I go through having a dyslexic child, I will dedicate my book.  Please pass on your stories to me and I will include them in the book. 

Lets work together to help people understand dyslexia and give support to the people who are sufferers. 

The gift of dyslexia

One gifts Lochie has is his amazing spacial ability. 
It's so handy when we are moving furniture, building shelves, buying outdoor settings etc. 
Today it came in really handy.  He was shopping at a newly opened store and there was a guess the lollies in the jar competition.  I looked and thought about 120.  Lochie said, "nah, there would be about 207".

I looked at the other guesses.  Nobody had guessed anything like that.  Silly me for doubting. 
He won the competition, and the huge jar of lollies, only missing the total by two. 

The gift of dyslexia.

lack of understanding in the workplace

So Lochies’ bad week continued. 

He had an evaluation at work.  As a hard working young man, he prides himself on his workmanship and puts efforts into keeping the workplace clean.  Seriously, this guy is the ideal apprentice.

His evaluation was good, but he got  marked down badly for literacy.  What does that mean for a cabinet maker?  He has made some spelling errors on worksheets.  They weren’t so bad that you couldn’t decipher what he meant but his boss said it wasn’t acceptable. 

 

Lochie said, “I think that’s a bit unfair because you know I’ve got dyslexia and reading is really hard.  I do try my best”.

“Not good enough”, said his Boss.  “Why don’t you go do a short course on how to read?”

 

Poor Lochie!!  How could anyone be so stupid to think that a short course could help.  It just shows again, the problem dyslexics have when dealing with people who have no idea

It never ends.....

Currently on a three day getaway in Adelaide.  Only 8 hours drive from home and not doing anything in particular.  Lochie couldn’t get time off work so he couldn’t come.  Mind you, he is 19, fully licenced and fully capable of caring for himself. 

5am the phone rings. 

“Hey Mum”, Loc says.

“Hey Loc, what’s up?”

“My car has dead battery, do you know where the jumper leads are?” 

“No, why don’t you just get the train?”

“Ok,” he says.  “I think it’s a pretty shit day already”.

“Loc the day will be what you make it.  Love you.”

So off he went to the station.  Five minutes later he rang really distressed.  The government has changed the ticketing system and he couldn’t buy his normal ticket.  There were notices up everywhere explaining the new system but of course, if you are dyslexic and running late for work, that isn’t going to work out so well for you.

As a dyslexic man now, not a child, he is embarrassed to ask for help.   Everyday commuters know the system and he didn’t want to look stupid.  As someone who doesn’t travel by train more than once every few years, I was little help to him. 

Yet again, when I think he is travelling along ok in life, another speed bump in the form of dyslexia smacks him for six again.  He has been unable to get to work, he is upset and distressed at his lack of ability to be independent and also worried that his boss will probably yell at him.  Me, his mum and main support, is sitting here at 6am typing up a blog, over 8 hours away. 

I hate that a gorgeous kid like Loc has such a disability.  One which is so hidden and misunderstood.  He has so much to offer the world but it is always such a battle for him.  

Too many things I can't do...

Last week, Lochies' brother, Trent, graduated from the Police Academy.  He is loving his job and had enjoyed every minute of the training.
Lochie mentioned that he is now thinking that perhaps he might apply as well.  He doesn't like the environment of the Cabinet Making industry and is over putting up with being called an idiot and retard. 
My stomach twisted when I thought about all the reading and studying of Laws that I know Trent had just done.  How could Lochie cope with that considering his learning difficulties?

I showed him some of the books Trent had to read and also copies of his exams.
Lochie said, "But if I'm really fit and good at remembering, why can't I be a Police Officer too?"

Hard to answer because the reason is probably only that the spelling test to get in to the academy challenges most people, let alone someone who sees the words different everytime they look at them.

AFter a lot of talking, I have encouraged him to try but I don't think he will now.  He has no confidence now he looked at the paperwork on the application form alone. 

"Why are there so many things I can't do?  It's not fair." 

With the Paralympics on in the background we had discussions on how the only thing holding you back is usually you. 

"But," said Loc, "The fact is, that job requires lots of reading and writing and I probably won't be able to do it.  Just like these paralympians.  They can do amazing things, but sometimes not even the most basic things they really want to do". 

"Loc, sometimes we need to focus on the positive things we can do and not the things we can't do". 


these conversations go on continually with Loc and I guess they always will.  I've got a son with dreams of high achievement and abilities to match, but not always the abilities needed. 

On the plus side, he brought home an amazing piece of furniture he made by hand at TAFE.  When the last 12 months of his apprenticeship passes soon, I guess there will be more conversations.....

Please keep positive Loc!!   You are amazing...