Fishing for self esteem

As you have read from past posts, Lochie's self esteem suffered badly due to his dyslexia.  One thing that I always tried to focus on was, find something he was good at and encourage that to the fullest.
Something quite often associated with dyslexia is a midline issue.  For example, Lochie is

ambidextrous.  This has made him an outstanding sports person.  Playing footy, he was always one of the higher skilled kids, despite his small stature.  His self motivation and determination is extreme to say the least. 

Another thing that we tried with him was fishing. 

Unusual for little kids, Lochie's favourite shows were never cartoons or Sesame Street.  He loved programs about the outdoors, animals or travel. Especially shows about fishing and camping.  He learned a lot from these shows, and taught us all many things we didn't know.

Years ago, we lived in the same street as a local celebrity, PaulWorsteling, has created a fishing show called IFish   Lochie was pretty inspired by this so we bought him a rod and he watched show after show and of we went.  His ability to learn was demonstrated pretty clearly.  Anyone thinking that dyslexia is an issue of intelligence is seriously mistaken.  

The more we fished, the better he got.  He knew all the tips and tricks.  

Lochie left school when he was 14.  He couldn't handle it any more.  School can be a cruel place when you are dyslexic and faced with many people (mainly teachers)  who lack understanding of the issue.  

He worked from the day he left school and saved up until he could buy a boat.   

Such a sense of achievement.  At 16, he had actually bought a great boat.  Lochie got 100% on his boat licence test.  The only test he had ever got such a high score for.   

Loc says that some of his happiest times are out on the bay in his little boat just pottering around, dropping in a line.   He knows that having the boat and being a good fisherman is something to be proud of.  Far away from the struggles he faces in everyday life. I love this photo.  To me it shows Lochie at his happiest and proudest. 

The aim of my blog and book is to raise awareness about dyslexia.  If you have a kid struggling with a learning problem, find something they are good at.  If they aren't sporty, look at fishing or something like that.  Without fishing and football, Lochie would have even less self esteem than he has now.   

Lochie's next goal is to save up to go on one of those big fishing tours and learn how to catch the BIG ONES!!   Whoo hoo.  I"m sure he will get there.  

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A Mothers Pain

From the time Lochie was born, he and I had a special bond.  Lochie was attached to me for the first 12 months of his life.  He had severe colic and just couldnt be put down.   He used to twirl his hands through my hair....actually, he still does.  He never had a security blanket or dummy.  Just me. 

When I first realised he had a problem with reading, I literally did everything I could to help him.  I went from test to test and really got no help.  I will give you a bigger run down on the tests in a later blog. 

As a parent, I was told that if only I had made him spend time on the floor with mobiles hanging over him, or made him crawl, his nerves in his brain would have developed and he would not have reading problems. 

After being blamed for that, I was told that if I hadn't taken him to babyshows then he would have had less issues with self esteem and would have responded better when offered help. 

I was also told by a psychologist that if I hadn't pushed him into footy (which I didn't, he loved the sport and was/is still brilliant at it) he would have spent more time wanting to read. 

My heart breaks when I see him struggle and it always will.  At night, he used to run into my room several times to get me to remind him about things for the next day.  He used to tell me that he would lay in bed and watch the day replayed in his head feeling every emotion.  Happiness, sadness, anxiety etc.  After the day had played out, he would then think about the next day identifying any problem that may come up.  No wonder the kid never slept.  Again, something I was blamed by the teachers for. 

To every parent going through what I go through having a dyslexic child, I will dedicate my book.  Please pass on your stories to me and I will include them in the book. 

Lets work together to help people understand dyslexia and give support to the people who are sufferers. 

The gift of dyslexia

One gifts Lochie has is his amazing spacial ability. 
It's so handy when we are moving furniture, building shelves, buying outdoor settings etc. 
Today it came in really handy.  He was shopping at a newly opened store and there was a guess the lollies in the jar competition.  I looked and thought about 120.  Lochie said, "nah, there would be about 207".

I looked at the other guesses.  Nobody had guessed anything like that.  Silly me for doubting. 
He won the competition, and the huge jar of lollies, only missing the total by two. 

The gift of dyslexia.

lack of understanding in the workplace

So Lochies’ bad week continued. 

He had an evaluation at work.  As a hard working young man, he prides himself on his workmanship and puts efforts into keeping the workplace clean.  Seriously, this guy is the ideal apprentice.

His evaluation was good, but he got  marked down badly for literacy.  What does that mean for a cabinet maker?  He has made some spelling errors on worksheets.  They weren’t so bad that you couldn’t decipher what he meant but his boss said it wasn’t acceptable. 

 

Lochie said, “I think that’s a bit unfair because you know I’ve got dyslexia and reading is really hard.  I do try my best”.

“Not good enough”, said his Boss.  “Why don’t you go do a short course on how to read?”

 

Poor Lochie!!  How could anyone be so stupid to think that a short course could help.  It just shows again, the problem dyslexics have when dealing with people who have no idea

It never ends.....

Currently on a three day getaway in Adelaide.  Only 8 hours drive from home and not doing anything in particular.  Lochie couldn’t get time off work so he couldn’t come.  Mind you, he is 19, fully licenced and fully capable of caring for himself. 

5am the phone rings. 

“Hey Mum”, Loc says.

“Hey Loc, what’s up?”

“My car has dead battery, do you know where the jumper leads are?” 

“No, why don’t you just get the train?”

“Ok,” he says.  “I think it’s a pretty shit day already”.

“Loc the day will be what you make it.  Love you.”

So off he went to the station.  Five minutes later he rang really distressed.  The government has changed the ticketing system and he couldn’t buy his normal ticket.  There were notices up everywhere explaining the new system but of course, if you are dyslexic and running late for work, that isn’t going to work out so well for you.

As a dyslexic man now, not a child, he is embarrassed to ask for help.   Everyday commuters know the system and he didn’t want to look stupid.  As someone who doesn’t travel by train more than once every few years, I was little help to him. 

Yet again, when I think he is travelling along ok in life, another speed bump in the form of dyslexia smacks him for six again.  He has been unable to get to work, he is upset and distressed at his lack of ability to be independent and also worried that his boss will probably yell at him.  Me, his mum and main support, is sitting here at 6am typing up a blog, over 8 hours away. 

I hate that a gorgeous kid like Loc has such a disability.  One which is so hidden and misunderstood.  He has so much to offer the world but it is always such a battle for him.  

Too many things I can't do...

Last week, Lochies' brother, Trent, graduated from the Police Academy.  He is loving his job and had enjoyed every minute of the training.
Lochie mentioned that he is now thinking that perhaps he might apply as well.  He doesn't like the environment of the Cabinet Making industry and is over putting up with being called an idiot and retard. 
My stomach twisted when I thought about all the reading and studying of Laws that I know Trent had just done.  How could Lochie cope with that considering his learning difficulties?

I showed him some of the books Trent had to read and also copies of his exams.
Lochie said, "But if I'm really fit and good at remembering, why can't I be a Police Officer too?"

Hard to answer because the reason is probably only that the spelling test to get in to the academy challenges most people, let alone someone who sees the words different everytime they look at them.

AFter a lot of talking, I have encouraged him to try but I don't think he will now.  He has no confidence now he looked at the paperwork on the application form alone. 

"Why are there so many things I can't do?  It's not fair." 

With the Paralympics on in the background we had discussions on how the only thing holding you back is usually you. 

"But," said Loc, "The fact is, that job requires lots of reading and writing and I probably won't be able to do it.  Just like these paralympians.  They can do amazing things, but sometimes not even the most basic things they really want to do". 

"Loc, sometimes we need to focus on the positive things we can do and not the things we can't do". 


these conversations go on continually with Loc and I guess they always will.  I've got a son with dreams of high achievement and abilities to match, but not always the abilities needed. 

On the plus side, he brought home an amazing piece of furniture he made by hand at TAFE.  When the last 12 months of his apprenticeship passes soon, I guess there will be more conversations.....

Please keep positive Loc!!   You are amazing...